Manna In The Wilderness

How is it that a person can persevere through thick and thin?

How then a person like me can overcome the storms and soar on eagle’s wings?

Can I persevere?

Would I break down one day? 

"Would I some day feel the icy coldness of the night desert wind, the cruel heat of the day, and the thick swarming dust of all time…and bend, fall, crawl to my knees, cover them with my arms to keep the small flame that is now too faint to show me inspiration?"

The fire was burning like a flame that consumes lifes, a fire that touches and changes them.  Now, at this moment that anticipates despair, the fire is dim, faint and no longer showing me the way I am to tread. 

Now, I am weak, for my fire is weak. 

Hi guys!

Today is friday, so my dad came and picked me and 2 of my friends (Ryan and Eu Jeen) from Kolej Cendana.  Beforehand, he planned to send Ryan to the Shah Alam train station when he changed his mind and said that he will send us to Taylor’s College to officially sign me off from Taylors, and then send Ryan to the Subang Jaya train station instead.  My heart jumped and sank at the same time.  I became anxious and afraid, and for sure as I have expected, I was not able to overcome the depression and the longing to be in Taylor’s again as the car passed through familiar roads, builings, foodstalls and all of those sorts that I come to be familiar with during my 5 1/2 months stay in Subang Jaya SS15.  But still, I was excited to walk into Taylor’s again with my ex-classmate, evoking each other’s memories during our stay there. My dad parked the car at the place he usually parked to pick me up every friday evening while i was studying in Taylor’s College.  Almost suddenly, all the happy and sad memories came rushing into my mind, and my heart cried so desperately as I walked beside the curb leading to the college.  That cry in my heart, the hope to turn back and study in Taylor’s again, all of it was blind hope.  The fact now that I am studying in such a dull environment, doing a boring yet stressful program only made it worse, what is more, now that I am officially OUT from Taylor’s?  I need to learn to move on…seriously, or I will literally die out of sickness of heart, mind and soul, only because I am not able let go of the past.   

While walking to the Cambridge A Levels Administration office, the many memories I have compiled in my heart seemed to make itself real. Each and every memory passed through my mind for a swift moment as my eyes roll from one spot to another.  After doing the neccessary paperwork for the withdrawal, I went straight to the lecturers’ room, but was greatly dissapointed because none of my lecturers was there at that moment.  I was hoping to say goodbye face to face and thank them for all they have done for me.  After that, we bumped into Su Yoong, whom at first shouted my name from the D floor while we were at the front gate.  I cannot help myself, the depression and longing was too great.  I plunged my arms around her and gave her a hug, and the cry in my heart only grew stronger.  We talked for about 20 minutes, shared my feelings about my stay in INTEC, my heart’s cry, my longing…about everything basically.  How I miss my dear friends and lecturers there, who had been a great blessing to me…guess that I am not doing as well as Ryan is, he seems to be more determined and focused, unlike me, whom until now is still finding my passion and heart’s desires (career wise)…although that, God will always always be, now and forever my greatest passion and all that my heart wants and needs.

We did not spend much time there, only showed Eu Jeen some of precious Taylor’s facilities including the toilets, haha…!  No matter what, I should be glad and happy, for the Lord has blessed me with the opportunity to be in Taylor’s, though how short the period may be, and also for providing for my studies locally and abroad.  What kind of a person I am and will be, if I’d continue to complain?  Complain for being blessed?  How could I? 

Well, though my heart is heavy, I do pray for you so that your heart though heavy too, will find peace.  God bless you.

Hi there, how are you guys? (hmm, this question seems to appear in most of my post yea?  Its because I miss you mah…=) )

Seems to me that my 2nd week in INTEC turned out to be much more pleasant than what I have come to expect.  Thank God for that, or not I will definately go beserk, turn into a mutated being, creating havoc everywhere and end up in certain places that aren’t that pleasant after all.  I’ve made many new friends there, each with their own version of life, personality, study habbits, lifestyle, background, gender…hhehe naughty, problems, and all of those sort.  Cannot imagine my life there in INTEC or in Cendana without them, big thanks to them I actually get to use up my time (nothing to do) chatting, hanging about, jogging for miles just to go to pasar malam, sitting at the corner watching Ryan going beserk, realising that the world is quite small (relating friends with friends), going to CF together until late at night, and doing lotsa crazy stuff.  Because of that, many times I can’t help feeling sorry for some people i spotted time to time walking alone with their faces down vertically above their shoes, not showing any enthusiasm of wanting to get new company…cannot blame them, its tough trying to blend into a totally unteenager friendly environment with no chinese food…*opps, just ignore that…hehe…hmm its either they are too complacent or they are actually content with the situation there…which most likely is NOT the case!

Thats the good stuff, for the bad ones, well, can’t help feeling a little bit dissapointed when my maths lecturer started off with a form 3 topic…Quadratics, which is also one of the early topics in A Leves maths in Taylor’s (I MISS YOU SO MUCH!!…hmm, actually miss miss suzie’s homework..=S).  Thought was going to learn some new ‘exotic’ things, as Mr Peter would call them, such as complex numbers, polynomials or something, maybe perhaps later next semester…oh, God i miss further maths…For the first semester of AUSMAT (or SAM), ONLY in INTEC to be precise, have to start off with the Year 11 syllabus, which consists mostly of English courses…duh…my English aint that good, sigh, maybe its time to brush them up…have to take IELTS too at the same time, heard from seniors that we need to brace ourselves, prepare mentally and physically for the stress and pressure that is to come, obviously not comforting at all…you know how bad I am at handling stress…huh friends??  I can go really crazy, rite?  Kononnya INTEC produces the BEST results for AUSMAT in the WHOLE WORLD wor…betul ke ni??  But they actually are…shit, this means that we, the aussies matric students will get the ‘worse’ treament in the sense that we will be pushed really hard to maintain the position and academic excellence…sigh…double shit for this one!!  Grrr…there is one good thing though…yea, like this one, I get to learn C++…woo, interesting wor, neh, just the basics only, will learn Java while in Uni…But still, no further maths, no fun…

Yeah, wanna share the CF experience there…wow…the fun is tremendous, cannot recall any night where I really laughed my heart out for hours!  Really praise God for answering my prayers to bless me with a CF while in INTEC, FYI, this CF, like while Im in Taylors, is outside from INTEC, gotta travel real far from section 6 to Kuala Kemuning just for that few hours, but after the first night, nothing will be hindering me from being a participant there!  Got to know many good and humble people there, and I hope a new ‘happy family’ will take root, grow and be a great blessing to the community.

Well, I hope for the best to myself and to all of you.  Take care fellow comrades from ACS, Taylors, and INTEC!!  God bless mua!      

Dunno how to say this but…

TAYLOR’S COLLEGE…

U ROCK!!  U R THE BEST!!

0601 PE 2, I LOVE YOU!!!

I MISS YOU SO SO SO SO MUCH!!

calvin…needing PE 2