Archive for August, 2005

Emotions

Saturday, August 27th, 2005

Emotions~?  some of my friends hate them.  Well, I understand why they hate them…hmm…not appropriate enough, should say, ’some of them don’t want to have them’, hmm…yup! This is because hate itself is a feeling, an emotion.

For me personally, I don’t want emotions to leave me, well, one reason because its one of the factors that cause me to go on…even the bad ones, the not so nice to feel ones…uhmm…i take them as lessons, preparations, realizations, to help me make the right choices in my life, and what I get most out of these is a tighter, and a more intimate relationship with the ones I love, even if the process seems tough…and ya, forgot…it also builds my patience (unless I lost control and killed someone or myself).  My friends say they don’t want them because they particulary don’t want to feel pain…more to the heart felt pain which most of them come from trials and obstacles in life.  For me, that sounds like running away, not wanting to face our problems.  Imagine a life without emotions, honestly I can’t imagine it, its TOTALLY different, a new world, full of new ways…I rather live in a world I am quite familiar with, than taking the risk of choosing a world where I don’t even have a clue about how it will be like.  A world without love…is as good as dead.

Without emotions, many things that has happened in this world would not have happenned…not only the bad ones, but MORE to the good ones…many people have forgotten that there is still good in this world…I don’t judge them, because a small stain on a large piece of cloth is so attracting to the eye, until we kept concentrating on the stain, and neglecting the area surrounding it. 

I guess what my friends is trying to stress out is that without emotions, there won’t be any obstacles and problems…well, I mean there WILL BE, and no doubt we will face them…just that we won’t KNOW and REALIZE and PAY MUCH ATTENTION that WE ARE FACING A PROBLEM…we won’t feel sad or anything, because we will not know that obstacles brings pain… we..just…just…uhmm… live our lifes like normal, doing stuffs, solving problems without knowing that we are actually facing problems…~ 

Well, in that case, we will also not know that friends brings joy, we just talk and talk…uhmm…probably talking nonsense, because we don’t know what are friends, that word won’t exist…we don’t need friends in a world without emotions…well, why should we need one?  we don’t need someone to pour out our feelings, or share ‘joy’, because there is no joy to share~~~ get what I mean? 

And in that case again…we will not be needing ANYONE…we can live alone…and I bet our life span will be much SHORTER, for we don’t have any emotions, particularly pain to tell us that we are facing problems and obstacles; which I have stated that we will FACE without our knowledge; that needs real HELP, COMFORT,  ENCOURAGEMENT, STRENGTH and GUIDANCE to overcome, so that we will be stronger to continue on!!  that is what our pain receptor does right, i mean physically lar, it senses danger to the body, and sends impulses to the brain so that we will feel something called ‘pain’ so that we will do something about the danger. (i can see in this point you can argue, ‘what if we are bounded, holded back, bondaged, until we cannot do anything to cease the pain, or to be more realistic, to solve the problem…?’ **this also applies greatly to heart-felt pains…to answer this, I will say, ‘in this case, you may not want to feel the pain, and I deeply understand why you don’t want to have emotions, but even if you don’t feel the pain, there won’t be something to strive you to seek for help or do something because it seems like the problem doen’t really bother you anymore, and its most likely that you will just leave the problem just as it is…this is exactly what I mean by ‘running away from our problems"!  =)…just tryin to see both sides of the coin…if you know what I mean)…well, without even the slightest idea that we are facing problems and obstacles, we will definately be trampled down by them (and also in this case, we will not realise that we are being trampled down…yah one point~some of you may bring out~ ‘not only emotions will tells us that we face trails and obstacles and others’  well, even if we KNOW that we are facing them, we won’t give a damn, because it doens’t hurt at all…and you may say "maybe we live in a world that even without emotions, we know what to do to survive, and because we know that we face problems, we will know what to do to overcome them’…hmm…well, in this case, i’ll just say that you have totally become a robot…= ) ).

oklah, enough of this crap~!!   

Haizz…so complex and confusing, until I don’t even know the point I am trying to say…but I know its in me and I know that I know its true…well, ‘thats my point of view’, I thought to myself…as surely my friends will say the same thing to me…aihz…i don’t know, a dry life, no emotions?   I just cannot imagine how it will be like, for even the world is made by someone that is full of emotions~  confusing trying to figure out this…this…thingy………hey guys, hope I did not hurt ya~ well, if you are still able to be hurt…= )…oOPPpppSSSs… hey really, no offense and I love ya’ll just as you are~…God bless ALL OF YOU!!!

~Grass

Sunday, August 21st, 2005

Grass

There, in the woods,

           are grass of evergreen.

Some are long, a few short, yet some never grown.

          

Bright green as they are,

           hope is always in them,

                     and never will they stay low,

when troubles come across their path.

            

Tough and strong they always are,

           for one never stands alone,

                        but altogether,

they fight, they conquer, they endure.

            

Oh……dear grass, how much shame we must face,

           for we aren’t like you.

      

Thank you green grass……

           may your evergreen make alive the woods,

as you have made alive my heart.       

      

PS: thanks for the e-mail, Beverlyn~ = )

~BORED~

Thursday, August 18th, 2005

~BORED~

Rain drops……

                     …and the ticking of my watch.

   

Children’s voices, hovering by…

        chit-chatting I suppose….hmm…     *chuckles*  Obviously!!

   

Well, if thats what I’m thinking of right now,

haha……even seconds find it hard to pass me by.

   

……and even as the ticking of my watch and the rain drops look on,

I just have to release my warmest sigh……well, here goes…

   

1…2…3… *SIGH*……how nice and refreshing it would be,

                                 if only I can break this window, and fly away, to someplace funfilled with joy and laughter……

~Testimony

Tuesday, August 16th, 2005

ahemm…..hmm, most of ya especially my dear friends whom I love very much..hehe…may be wondering wat the hell am i doin in friendster at this stressful time of our schooling walk…..well, juz wanna share a short testimony bout God’s love and grace to me…..

on monday morn, first day of d form 5 trail exam, i was juz so so so very tired and sleepy and had no confidence at all and sad and worried and had many many kinda weird emotions lah…….haizzz….was so scared coz i din manage to study for my history which i am obviously not good at…and i can’t think of anything…NOTHING…blank…my sight was so VAGUE until i wanna scream!! imagine the anxiety i had, somemore plus d WeIrEd eMoTiOnS i had tat morning, it was juz so……hmm…how to put it…cruel?  ya…VERY CRUEL, y lah, must such thing happen to me at that place and at THAT TIME…when d exam was juz MINUTES AWAY!!! 

so…tats d problem i had lar……but then ar, while in d morning assembly ar, they played some of d instrumental version of some worship songs tat i love very much…one after another…so amazing God is…he is SO GOOD…as i sat down without any hope, i heard the song Give Thanks, and remember the phrase, "and let the weak say i am strong"  i was so touched by the songs that morning until i cry like a baby….aiseh, so malufying man, my friends looking at my weird actions and my face that i tried so much to conceal from them……but i wanna cry some more, i juz felt so much better as my tears flow, it was truely a wonderful feeling i can’t put into words, mayb some of ya that have been through this situation might noe lar….den after crying, my spirits went up, the anxiety and tiredness fled away….ahhh…so refreshed………..!!!   alleluia!  praise god!  man, god is real, he is SO REAL!…praise him…i felt so BLESSED although i din do well in my sejarah paper,…aihz, but thats my fault lar, for hving no discipline at all to stick my brain on d VERY VERY BORING ’stories’ there…

remember my friends, God is GOOD and is always there to help you, juz cry out to him!  god bless…

’sweet’ serenade under the moonlight

Wednesday, August 10th, 2005

Phew……..juz came back from violin lesson……at 10.30 PM!!!!!!!

gosh!!!!!  y lar have violin lesson AT NIGHT…..! so tak biasa man……

aiseh…while waiting for my lesson, the teacher was having another student, a diploma violinist i suppose, coz he was DAMN GOOD!  haiz…all of a sudden felt so inferior and stupid and useless, coz the student was so much younger than I am……hehe/

dunno lar, i somehow regret of making d decision not to postpone my violin lessons although the SPM trails and d big exam itself is on its way to trample me down…well, i guess i hv to endure the pain of hearing off key music out of my OWN PLAYING…!! ><"  aiseh…felt so stupid, when the teacher was pressing (banging with her finger would be more appropriate) one particular note on the piano, "SHARP!!!"…then i moved my finger lower…,"NO!!  FLAT!!! FLAT!!!……no lar, she din scold me……juz that thats d way she teaches…well, i understand, i probably would get VERY IRRITATED with my own violin playing if i hear it myself……hehehahaha

haizzzzz…..very tired lar………………

ok, back to history……

"LEARNING HISTORY, MAKING HISTORY"  *bye*bye*