Manna In The Wilderness

Cold Winds

                                                 Vague,   misty……

                               sun rays blocked by

                                                 heavy clouds, billowing in the breeze,

above me……

   

                     I looked around……           stared into the void,                           

                                                                       and the whirlpool of emptiness,

vacancy,                                    

                                     vacuity,         

                                                                         inanity,

                                                                                                      lonliness,

~                      ~                      ~                        ~                  ~                ~   

                           

                               ………………..hollowness…………………

            

          ~                       ~                        ~                    ~                  ~

blankness,

                                                vacuousness,

                                                                                              barrenness,

and at last……

                                                               to the cold winds……….

soaring high above, conquering the plains.

   

My heart……longing, so longing to speak to them, to tell them, to beg them…

…full of humility, sincerity, and surrender……

"Let me go, set me free from your grasp, so that I may run in the deserts once again, as a free man, just like everyone else."

            

                                                                                                         -cALVIn-

PS : Special thanks to Ming Jie, for this piece of paper, for me to carve my thoughts, that may never pass my mind again.

                                                                        

wow!

today’s VCD freak lots of us out…!

man, can’t imagine how d pain feels like!  truly ironic, awkward, …eesh, n of coz painful!   can see their muscles tensed up, and the expressions on their face, tells it all…

A warning, to all of us, u dun noe wats going on inside there, dun get urself in!  be good…

aiyo……ming jie told my sister on thursday night through msn messenger…"your brother tak kena NS lah…very sad"….

National Service…hmm, sometimes i wonder y so many youths hate this program.  For me personally, i dun think dis program really sucks lar, in fact, i was hoping to get a place, wan some experience, but i din get.  quite dissapointed i was, coz ming jie n some of my friends (check Ah Goh….hehehe) sudah ‘kena’…hahaha…

nvm lar, if God doesn;t want me to go, dun go lor, hehe coz he has a purpose for us rite?  so lets not mess up with the plan, n follow him wif faith!  amen! hmm.. maybe i can spend more time wif d ACS choir n chapel…haha, giv some help to em, aihzzz, better than stayin at home n do nothing…

but my friends told me tat the gov will hv another intake for ns, haha so lets juz hope for d best, to those who dun wan to go, n to those who WAN to go…

man……

i’m so tired.

can’t think at this moment.

lost.      

                                                                                                                                    

i noe i should run to god

but still,

i’m lost,

i’m a coward.

i dun dare to face it,

i dun dare to share it,

i noe it will ruin my life.            

       

but yet,

i noe that accepting it,

is still d right thing to do.

even though its tough,

not easy,

my heart says its d right thing to do.   

   

i’m scared,

afraid,

terrified of this world……

i dunno where to go,

even though i noe where i should go.

                                           

god, my lord

ur my only hope,

give me strength to go to you,

trust u,

to surrender,

to put down my sword,

and follow u,

to carry my own cross.

                                                                                                 

this is my cross,

to be something, i never expected nor wanted to be.

god has already chose me,

to carry this cross.

he made d choice,

nows my turn,

to make the choice.

                                                                                                

my lord,

help me,

i choose to follow you,

for your kingdom is not of this world,

i choose to trust you,

for you see my life here from the end to the beginning,

i choose to surrender,

for i have faith in you setting the path for me.

                                                                                                    

nothing more i have to say,

i have made the choice,

the choice to be nailed on my own cross,

the choice to follow the only way, the only truth, and the only living god.

                                                                                       

my lord,

if this is to be,

then,

……………so be it.

Bow The Knee

Below is a very beautiful, powerful and meaningful song, it is from an easter musical ‘Bow The Knee’.

Bow The Knee                               

(u need either winamp or real one players to listen)

         

                  

Eli  :  I don’t have all the answers, but I know God is faithful.  We just have to believe (pause) even though we don’t understand what is happening.

Anthony  :  I do believe, my friend!  I do believe! 

                                    

Lyrics

There are moments on our journey, following the Lord,

when God illumines every step we take.

There are times when circumtances make perfect sense to us,

as we try to understand each move He makes.

But when the path grows dim, and our questions have no answers, turn to Him.

Bow the knee trust the heart of your Father, when the answer goes beyond what you can see.

Bow the knee, lift your eyes towards heaven, and believe the One who holds etenity.

And when you don’t understand, the purpose of His plan, in the presence of your King, bow the knee.

There are days when cloud surrounds us, and the rain begins to fall,

the cold and lonely winds won’t cease to blow, and there seems to be no reason for the suffering we feel, we are tempted to believe God does not know.

When the storms arise, don’t forget we live by faith and not by sight.

Bow the knee, trust the heart of your Father, when the answer goes beyond what you can see.

Bow the knee, lift your eyes towards heaven, and believe the One who holds etenity.

And when you don’t understand, the purpose of His plan, in the presence of your King, bow the knee.

                              

PS : God is a good God.  When He says He loves us, He means it.  He doen’t lie, nor does He break His promises.  Let us remember that we live by faith, and not by sight.  We live our lives, believing that God is always there to guide us.  Most importantly, let us not underestimate God, He works in mysterious ways, ways that we cannot see or understand.  But despite that, we should all know, deep down in our hearts, that whatever God has in mind for us, whatever trails and sufferings we may have to face,  it is because He loves us, it is because He wants us to grow stronger in our faith towards Him. 

                     

Here are a few songs from the same musical……very nice (to me lar at least)

Miracle Man

Hosanna To The King

I Will Arise

Celebrate The Victory

One Day Every Knee Shall Bow

Tired.  Not because of the camp, but the journey back home from camp……

>6 looooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnng hours in the sickening uncomfortable bus………!!  aihzzzzzzzz……..from only 2 petals, now my ass has 4.  hehe/…

The camp was ok though, overall lah……but to me a bit dissatisfying…..was expecting more than jungle trekking in taman negara…..wat was really dissapointing is that the commanders and those TN guides told us that the jungle activities will be very difficult to handle,  there will be wild animals lah….blah….blah….must be really fit lah…blah…blah……blah……. hehe, they made the activities look as though they are gonna cost us a lot…haha but it turned out that hiking in TN cannot be compared to the straining Gunung Angsi…….hahaha… but i cannot deny the awesome beauty of TN…… truly amazing……beautiful………..hallelujah!!!! praise God for his great creations….of couse its good that they said wat they had said, so that we will alwaz remind ourselves of our safety n others too………oh yeah, the canopy walk was great…hahaha, it will be great onli if u don alwaz concentrate ur mind on d wood planks but more on the awesome jungle underneath it!!!  kononnya the canopy walk in TN is d longest in da world wor? yakah?

yea……..another thing…..!!!!!

Hmph…….!!

getting very angry now, rage getting hold of me!!!!!!!!!!

GRRRRRRRR>………………….!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The camp fee was RM 125 ‘kay?  following?  every camper paid the SAME amount…okay?  r u with me?  The thing tat made me and many other campers VERY ANGRY…..is tat some got to stay in beautiful chalets, with air-con some more noe…!  the bathrooms are clean, their beds were undoubtly comfortable, they have mirrors…they have free tissue papers to wipe their ass…n many more lah………whereas, the others are forced to sleep in domes, around 20 people per dome, 40 people sharing a bathroom with onli 4 cubicles with toilets and 4 cubicles for cold shower…no air-con, no mirros, inside was hot like a sauna from day till night, smelly, ugly insects flying everwhere n stickin on the walls……aihz……..matters were totaly worse for the girls, there are no proper paths to their dome, it is like that particular dome was isolated purposely…… truly eerie man!!!……n they r sharing the toilets wif the TN workers…… scaryyyyy…………

hahaha…….but we did enjoy ourselves though, the speaker was great, God’s word that he brought to us really touched me……Worship was ok lah,,…of coz lah, can;t compare wif camps like HUGE camp hor??  but y should that matter???  we r worshiping God n God only……the music isn;t all that important, but the sincerity of our hearts……..God doesn;t look at the outward appearance, but the heart.

wat some more arr?  hmm…nothing much happen in camp lar……… coz onli 3 days 2 nights mah, activities oso quite few…… haha….din get very dirty oso… my clothes were much easier to wash compared to some other camps….hehe…byebye